ah posting agn....

at 5am in morng woke up to go toilet
heh too much rich foods man... huo gai...

feeling somewat lost now...
yet not reallie, or not permernantly...
abit like going thru the jungle ...
but u noe tt u will come out into the light eventually...

hmm tts a flawd analogy
...
more like confident underneath being lost
tt the big picture is Okay
ya...

kinda aimless... but not really ..

***

i wonder if the change was a drastic change...
monday ... was it just last monday? yes...

i think i worry abt it...
insecure...

***

insecure... i need money
i NeeD money
I NEED to earn money...
I HAvE To BucK uP
wake uP

k i think ultimately i believe tt tts nt necessary
no need to rush, it will come

but the functional me is pessured
to "be a man"
n not a worm/slug.

i m made to feel ashamed tt i get a healthy
amount of allowance fr parents.
i am thankful for tt
an only in recent years i learn my more accurate standing among
peers...

however i lament and wail at times,
justifying my flagrant use of tt trust(as in money)

"oh they never taught me"

"the materials were substitute for other parenting..."

oh but im still pressured...
but stil i m here?
n other ppl r doin stuff...

God how do you see me as?
we cannot please u with our physical works
but u see our hearts?
tt is a tough concept to grasp

tt essentially no diff btw the poor, unambitious
and the top executive,
but surely the attitiude in our hearts has a diff
bearing upon our results in life..?

yesss
but wat gains a man if he gains the world but
forfeits the soul....
Hmmm thxx God...

Nigthz...